Spreading your seed

In my numerous readings that amount to a whole lot of information about nothing, I came across, what I personally think, is quite possibly the most fertile man that ever lived. Emperor Kangxi 1662 - 1722, China, had 36 sons and 20 daughters. He lived for a grand total of 68 years in which he produced 56 children. Now think about this for a minute: that means he did not reproduce for only 12 years in his life(assuming he had one child per year). It is almost as though he started reproducing as soon as he was biologically capable. Looking at it from the female perspective: Kangxi had 4 wives, who bore him the 56 bundles of joy. In other words, 14 kids per wife. Asuming the average lifespan of a woman in 18th century China was 70 years, women reached menopause at the age of 50,were capable of having and keeping a baby alive from the age of 13, and the king lost interest in them after the age of 35, we are left with a grand total of 22 years in which an empress/concubine could be pregnant. This means that all of his wives were pregnant 63% of time they could be pregnant. Wow! This, ladies and gentlemen, was a busy man.

Lessons learned in Life

About a year ago I got a job at a Firestone, rotating tires, changing oil, and all that other good stuff. It was too late to find a job elsewhere since summer had already started, and I needed money really bad. So the first day I showed up at work and they asked me to go to the back of the shop and change. Needless to say I was the youngest and had the smallest waist size - most of them had me beat by a good 6 sizes. They weren't going to give me new clothes because I was only going to work the summer. So I got a blue work shirt that said Joe on the left chest and had a big grease mark right across the fourth button on both halves of the shirt. There were five people that worked regularly and two that came in three days a week (and by week I mean 7 days a week, not your 5 day business week). Because I was new and an apprentice they had me close shop everyday - which means a 10 hour shift with a 30 min lunch break. I learnt many things during the three weeks that I worked there but there are two things I learnt which I will never forget.
1) On my first day at work, my supervisor Steve opened up the hood of a Dodge Caravan to explain my responsibilities under the hood and show me where to look for what. He asked me to pop the hood from the driver's seat and then come out and open it up by myself. So I popped the hood, and came out to open the hood. I was stumbling around for about 10 secs because the only hood I had opened before was my Honda's and I had no experience whatsoever. So Steve looks at me and says, "Do you like girls?... I mean you aren't gay or anything are you?" I looked at Steve in total consternation and said, "No no, I'm quite straight." And Steve continued, "Well, then think of the car like your gf, feel around and take your time to find the hook and then push it aside slowly. Do it like you were undoing her bra." Having heard this quite hilarious analogy, I started laughing really bad and so did he. Steve must've used this on many apprentices before but it is one of those things that never loses its humor. And sure enough, within no time I had undone her bra.

2) The second lesson I learnt, was that fixing cars for 10 hours straight while not sitting down even once, will make you a stronger man in your calves. I quit after three weeks because my calves were as strong as they will ever be. Within those three weeks I unhooked 250 bras...

Old friend

After a long time - almost a year - I met one of my buddies from freshman year. He'd been working in New Orleans for the summer, he told me. We talked for about an hour and went our own ways.

Contemplating actions.

Just when I thought things were finally taking a turn for the good, something had to go wrong. A week ago, I was happy. I had found a good job lined up for me straight out of college, I got accepted to the University of Pennsylvania - which I never thought I'd make it to - and for the one time in the last four years I actually felt relieved because the fog of uncertainity had finally started clearing up. It's not like I have a million friends all over the world, so I try and hold on to the ones I make. Consequently, the possibility of even losing one of them scares the hell out of me. It's like this - in a world so dynamic and transitional such as the 21st century (personally, I think) it would be nice to take some things for granted. For example, a functional/close to being functional family, good mental/physical health, constant source of income, food, clothing, shelter, a member of the opposite/same sex (whatever floats ur boat) to share your romantic interests with, and most importantly a group of peers to make memories with. And success of a human being as such can be easily assesed depending on how close he/she is to the aforementioned stability. By the same token, till about a week ago, my life was pretty close to being perfect. I have a functional family (and by functional I mean overprotective and paranoid parents), my weight( if that is really any indication of health) hasn't changed an ounce since 10th grade, I eat whatever i want, I wear whatever i can afford, my studio apartment is quite comfortable, spring made sure of romace in the air, and four years of college memories with my buddies had culminated into one quintessential video - Spaswatch (created and edited by David). Thats when it happened. A disastrous - yet not catastrophic - series of events brought on by my laziness and apathy; which hopefully I'll be able to fix by the end of the semester. Today I'm sitting here doing last week's logic homework that was due this Tuesday, my senior presentation sucked quite bad, I'm caught in the middle of a power struggle between two of my closest friends from high school, there is a very good chance that I failed my history test, I am not so confident that our senior project can be completed within the time left, and if I don't get back on track my G.P.A is going to end up taking an unsustainable blow. For once, I'd like to finish strong and do something unlike me - NOT SLACK !!

Cribbing

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a friend who seems to think that my hanging up on her after being insulted is "unwarranted". Well, I did not quite know what to say to that; because it is usually in my nautre to avoid confrontation and that is why I hung up. I could've stayed on the line, waiting for the perfect comeback but I feel like I'm too old and too tired for that. Maybe 5 years ago - in high school - that was fun. But it gets to be really old, after such a long time. Anyway, she went on complaining for about two paragraphs about whether it was still worth being friends if after such a long time I cannot make out the differene between her jokes and her being serious. Because I was so seriously disgusted by the topic, and appalled by the amount of time & energy wasted on this quite sophomoric and unintelligent whining, I replied back to her in one line: Hope you vented enough. Just Chill !!

Spring breaaaaaaaaak!!

Recently my friends and I went to Panama City, FL. This was our last spring break together and so we decided to go all out. We had a room at the Holiday Inn for five nights and a killer view to two of the most beautiful things on this planet: the sea, and drop dead gorgeous babes. Four days of kicking it on the patio - with our honorary friend Mr.Bud Light - and socializing/attempting to socialze with some of the most beautiful women I have seen in real life. Clubs, scooters, bikes, the beach, beads, sandals, girls, sea food, more girls, bikinis, blondes, brunettes, red-heads(although, I have to admit there weren't many of them. Actually, only one that I saw), music, drinking, even more girls, and last but no way in hell the least, some more UNREAL babes. That pretty much sums up Panama City. My friends drove both ways and therefore were saved from the Odessey that I undertook flying with Delta. Thanks to f****** inclement weather and crappy MD-88s it took me 27 hours to get from P.C to St.Louis. After the incredibly long journey (which should have only taken 3 hours, factoring in the time difference), I was definitely tired. But for the most part I was really sad that life was not an eternal spring break in P.C or somewhere of the like. This was not a new realization by any means; but nonetheless a hurtful one.